We’ve all been there- Through the laughs, tears, highs, lows, happiness, anger, emotional, aching, joyful pains… A relationship.
I would like to preface this blog by saying by no means am I any sort of relationship guru or have any answers to this seemingly bafflingly topic. If I did, I’d probably be in a relationship. All I’m giving is my two cents… so enjoy.
I want to talk about finding “the one.” Or even one worth keeping around for more than a week (which is equivalent to 2 years in San Diego/PB time).
One thing that I know for a fact is that I’m pretty darn good at being single. What I’m not quite as sure about is what it’s going to take to settle down. Is it timing? Being at the right place at the right time? Looking for it? Not looking for it? Not praying enough? Part of the reason I feel I’ve not been in many relationships is that I don’t feel like becoming “boyfriend/girlfriend” with someone I don’t see it lasting with. I’m not saying I would have to see myself marrying the person, but I don’t think anyone should ever compromise what they want or just settle. Personally speaking, as much fun and happy as I am being single, I don’t think it would be difficult to switch from the single party girl to tied down/”FBO,” but I do think it would take a special guy for that to happen.
While I’m still skeptical about the whole “soul mate” thing, I don’t believe we choose who we fall in love with. Even with friends, there are certain people that without knowing it or meaning to, even if it was for only a glimpse of time, make the biggest impact on us, taught us life lessons, and helped create our path and shape who we are. I’m not going to name names, but to all those individuals in my life (half of you probably don’t even know it), thank you. I believe this same idea goes for relationships in the fact that we don’t get to choose.
Here is where it gets brutal… I want to talk about THAT guy (or for those that it’s happened multiple times to, THOSE guys). But it’s THAT guy, that if you could have one wish, it would be for you to not give a damn about him. They treat you like shit, you know you deserve better, but you can’t let go. Every day you think today is the day they are magically going to change. News flash… they don’t. But why not? Maybe if I play hard to get they’ll come around and wake up and see what they’re missing… Sorry to disappoint, but still isn’t going to happen.
On the flip side (some might say brighter side but I’d beg to differ), at one point or another, you have been THAT girl to someone else. YOU were the one that knew they were great, knew they would never do you wrong, knew you could get away with anything, yet knew it would never work. But why? They treat you like a princess, they say all the right things, you try TO like them, but nothing. For whatever reason, it’s just not there. Funny how the world works so backwards. You fall for the douche, only wishing/wanting for them to feel the way you do, and then a good one comes around, of which you want nothing to do with. Where’s the happy medium?!
Of all the corny love lines we’ve heard throughout the years, the one that has somehow stuck with me stems from the extremely scholarly and insightful film known as Wedding Crashers. At her sisters wedding, Rachel McAdams asks Owen Wilson “What is true love?” and Owen replies, “True love is the souls recognition of it’s counterpart in another.” McAdams then goes on to deliver the world’s worst wedding speech of all time, but that’s beside the point. What I think Owen is saying here is simply finding someone you fit well with- your cheese to your macaroni if you will. While I’m still unsure of my feeling of a soul mate (and the concept of fate for that matter), I do believe there are just certain people that you are drawn to/ catch your eye/ vibe with/ are attracted to/ yada yada yada. Trying to explain why some of these individuals it happens with? You’re guess is as good as mine. Why we can write all the things we want in a guy on a piece of paper and while doing so, can’t take our eyes off of the homeless bum missing a tooth who hasn’t bathed in a month who is sitting outside the window… it is beyond me. Ok, so that might be a bit of an exaggeration but I hope you get my point… You’re brain can’t tell your heart how to feel (I might have just thrown up in my mouth a little). As corny and cliché as that sounds, from my personal experiences, it’s the truth. I’d love for my heart and brain to be a little bit better of team players but it is what it is and I’ve learned it’s just a waste of time trying to deny or fight it.
So how about the magic question, WHEN will I meet him? WHEN will it happen to me? Part of me wishes I had a crystal ball to look into the future, show me who he is, and go friends request him right now… But once again, it’s just not how it works (and honestly, how much fun would that be… Sort of anti-climatic in my opinion). One thing I HATE is when people tell me it will happen when you’re not looking or least expect it. I hate hearing this partially because I agree with it (to an extent), and partially because I’m an impatient person.. My clock is ticking people. I know I’m young and have so much life to live, but I do believe I’d be ready for a relationship and would enjoy sharing my time and experiences with someone I care about. Let’s be clear though, I’m not saying I’m going to run outside to my toothless smelly bum this instant, but if the right one came along, I’d be willing to give it a shot.
Above all, the most insightful thing I might be able to suggest in this entire blog is you have to learn to be happy on your own before you can meet “the one” (or be ready for any relationship for that matter). To me, a guy that comes to my every beck and call is the most unattractive thing (besides being unathletic, a man whore or having B.O). I think a lot of girls become dependent on their man, so when the relationship heads south, their whole world falls apart. A relationship should be a balanced, two-way street where you both learn to give and take. Listen ladies- a guy isn’t going to want a girl around to know every time they sneeze or fart, the same way you wouldn’t want them to (if you do- you have issues). If you can’t be happy alone, you’ll never be in a healthy, happy relationship. I know this because I WAS that needy-controlling-jealous-my-mood-depends-on-where-my-relationship-stands kind of girl. It took awhile to realize it, but not only did that relationship go down the dumps, I was unhappy. Learning that it’s okay to be on your own has not only made me into a stronger, independent person, but I’m more happy and confident today than I ever was in the past.
Most of you that know me might find it odd for me to be writing about this as I am not the emotional kind of girl by any stretch of the imagination. But again, for those who know me, know I love to be challenged. Being vulnerable and emotional is just that- a challenge and something definitely outside my comfort zone. I know I have a tough exterior, but once I let someone in and crack down that wall, I’m much more sensitive and emotional than people would take me for. With that said, something that might come as a surprise is that I am also a hopeless romantic. I love Love. And although I have spent most my days being single, the 2 times I can say I have been in love, I have loved hard. It’s true the harder you love, the harder the potential for hurt. However, it is the question you have to ask yourself, is the potential for having your heart broken worth it? If your answer is no, you’re a sad heartless loser. Kiddingggg, but if you truly can’t say yes, I hope someone someday will cause you to change that answer because for me, there is no stronger feeling I’ve ever felt than love and something I look forward to feeling again some day (that is relationship-wise speaking… of course I love you mom and dad).
So even if it is with the toothless smelly homeless man sitting outside my window that I later drive back to the homeless shelter, everyone deserves their fairy tale ending. And while I don’t feel like I have any answers to finding “your souls counterpart” or being in a relationship, I hope everyone out there takes a leap of faith when they find someone worth holding onto. Because at the end of the day, all that will truly matter is enjoying your cheese with your macaroni.
